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[icon] Alright...who let this guy have a LiveJournal?
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Time:07:01 pm
1. I went home and watched the "South Park" movie and felt that the directors of this film better understood plot and characterization, and we're discussing a film that has a song entitled "Shut Your F***ing Face, Uncle-F***er."

2. I, Lord Imperator and Commandant-General of the Dark Army, hereby proclaim open and holy war against the 12-Inch Fully Poseable Legolas Action Figure. He shall know fear and pain beyond that which any molded lump of plastic has hitherto known or shall ever know hence.

3. Do you not understand "wrong"? It means "not right." You are not right. Oh God, you are incredibly not right. Here's right by my right hand, and here's you over by my left. See how far you are from right? That's what we call "wrong."

4. My motto is this: The cuter the animal, the tastier the sandwich.

5. starofhope: I deal with the age-gap a lot. Mostly when beating down those newfangled whippersnappers on Video game/Comic boards.

6. Where will I be last October? I'm blinded by a haze of possible pasts.

7. Zwei Freunde gehen in ein Restaurant und jeder bestellt ein Beefsteak. Ein paar Minuten später kommt der Kellner zurück und bringt ein grosses und ein kleines Stück Fleisch. Der eine Freund nimmt sich sofort das grosse Stück. Der andere wird wütend und sagt zu ihm, "Was für sclechte Manieren du hast! Weisst du nicht, dass du als erster das kleinere Stück hättest nehmen sollen?"

And then the penguin says...

"Hwæt, wē þē þās sæ-lāc, sunu Healfdenes, lēod Scyldinga, lustum brōhton, tīres tō tāacne, þe þū hēr tō lōcast."

8. I, with the power invested in me as Admiral of the High Seas, do declare the readers of this post to be the SOVEREIGN TERRITORY of the KINGDOM of SPAIN, and henceforth shall be included in the domains of that realm under the Treaty of Torsedillas.

[Plants flag in reader]

9. "They shall know them by the color of their pants."

10. http://www.livejournal.com/users/nakazan/17599.html

11. Whoa, what the -- what the hell is going on? Wait, whoa, I mean -- whoa.

12. A few minutes later, all my identifying memories rushed back to me, and I proceeded to claw at my face.

13. And, when that horse eventually beats the Arabs at their own game, he gets released in Oklahoma to join a herd of free-range mustangs that all get turned into hot dogs to satisfy the RAVENOUS APPETITE OF THE HORSE-KILLING EMPRESS MILICA!!! She's so evil.

14. "Behold the People's Mayonnaise, the Only Mayonnaise that Lifts the Shackles of the Proletariat."

15. "Don't forget to vote Tim for President -- he'll win California because he doesn't sleep around."

16. "Nah, see, he's already doing the flamenco sequence in Act IV. We don't want to overkill the character."

17. I like how when people now learn that I will be in Matt's car with them, it has the same mental impact as a life sentence to Siberia.

18. "Of course," he added, "everyone in the seventies looked like someone out of a spaghetti Western."

19. I don't know what I like better: the nuns with hunting dogs, or the principal in a gorilla suit fighting a moose.

20. "Stomach," says I, "listen here. You're a strong ol' organ, right? You can take a little variety. I don't want to hear any more bitching from you, and you just take what I give you and it'll all be good, y'hear? Now finish your dinner of microwaved meatballs and tomatoes."
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Time:04:20 pm
Hey! William and Mary persons! I just wanted to remind you that I really didn't forget about you and have your Christmas gifts sitting in my house. I swear! You'll get them when we return, unless you are StarofHope, in which case we need to hang out sometime soon. 'Kay?
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Current Music:the sweet, soft whisperings of the Lady Sophia
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Subject:How to Be an Occultist
Time:12:28 am
Current Mood:occult!
1. You need a computer with a word processor program and an internet connection. The latter will become exceedingly important for posting your writings to your personal web page, as none of the bilge you write will ever be printed by any real publishing company.

2. Make sure to give yourself a good number of fancy titles. A good rule of thumb is that you should have as many titles as it takes to fill the time you require to masturbate while thinking how great a person you are.

3. Christianity, Islam, and Judaism are bad. Do not worry about learning their teachings or beliefs, because you're going to be discrediting them anyway. If someone asks what you specifically disagree about these faiths, answer that they are "sexist" and do not elaborate.

4. Wiccanism and ancient mythology are good. Again, do not worry about actually learning anything about them, because you have already read all of the Harry Potter books, and therefore are trained in these religions.

5. Try to claim as many ties as possible to the Knights Templar. Ignore the obvious hypocrisy in worshipping a Christian warrior sect dedicated to fighting Islam in the Crusades when you write your chapter slamming Christianity for fighting Islam in the Crusades.

6. Appeal to people's common sense. The idea of a Tripartate God as defined by the Catholic dogma of the Holy Trinity is too abstract and theological to actually be believeable. It is much more sensical to assume that we are all the exhalations of a great, abstract Tripartate God as defined by the Occult dogma of El, Sophia, and Demiurge.

7. Contradict yourself. Bonus points if you contradict yourself in the same sentence!

8. Always bring in aliens. Aliens are key.

9. Jesus had lots and lots of hot, hot sex with Mary Magdelene. She even bore His children years after His death. Remind people how good The DaVinci Code was, because it will distract them from how shitty your own writing is.

10. Devote at least 1/10th of every chapter to describing how excellent your other writings are. Another tenth should be reserved to describing how good a lover you are. Another tenth should be including all the names of the other Occultists that slept with you in order to have their name included in your writing.

11. Make sure to skim the headlines of the Science section of your newspaper. Do not delve too deeply into any article, or you might just discover why your Occult theories are a load of horse shit.

12. Promise that if people learn your alchemy techniques, they can stop world hunger. Never explain why yourself have not stopped world hunger with your alchemy techniques.

13. If your theory is dependent on facts that don't exist, it must be because the government is covering it up, regardless of the fact the government can't keep its pants on long enough to cover up the fact they spent millions of dollars to build an indoor rainforest in Iowa.

14. The Bible is wrong, wrong, wrong. You should still use it for half of your reference material.

15. Finally, remember, your religion is based upon hard facts, which makes it better than those religions based on faith. When people realize your facts are bogus, be sure to point out their lack of faith.
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Subject:201716122004
Time:08:17 pm
Commandant Lee of the Fauquier recording.

We have entered Week Four of our deep space patrol, and the conscious members of the crew have all fallen into standard routines. I have seen very little of my three comrades, as I spend most of my time devoted to my duties or relaxing in my own quarters. The unconscious crew have had no problems, and will be in perfect health once we reach Logan Base. Other than that, there is little to report.

Seven one seven one three.
Seven one eight nine three.

Over.
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Current Music:silence!
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Time:11:18 pm
Current Mood:examx0r53d!
PotomacViking: omigod so then she calls up chris right?
AstralFire IX: mkay
PotomacViking: and she says "hey chris, i need you because my life is so miserable and blah blah blah"
AstralFire IX: yeah, shes real winey
PotomacViking: and chris is like "goddammit i have to study ecanomics and these girls keep calling"
AstralFire IX: lol
PotomacViking: im like "you know, its not such a bad thing when you have fifteen girls calling you in one night"
AstralFire IX: man, dont i know it
PotomacViking: chris is just like "hey, it is when i dont no any ecanomics".
AstralFire IX: its know, you dork
AstralFire IX: dont you know any english?
PotomacViking: shut up
PotomacViking: let me finish my story
AstralFire IX: k
PotomacViking: so i say look we can just ask matt because he knows everythign about ecanomcis.
AstralFire IX: god, learn to f***ing spell
PotomacViking: shut up!
PotomacViking: your a doosh
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Subject:Waking My Airplane?
Time:09:12 pm
If I were to make music, it would be a lot like this:
http://jukebox.peterlink.ru/music/spb/rr/NEW/Video/Vot-tak.avi
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Current Music:Funeral March
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Subject:Death of a Great Hero
Time:03:59 pm
Current Mood:funereal
Today, we come together to celebrate the rebirth of Pomah5000 into eternal life. He was an excellent screen name and e-mail address, but no Internet alias can live forever. And so, with heavy hearts, we must remind ourselves that he lives forever inside our memories, and in that Happy Place to which all good screen names go.
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Subject:Hero of the Model United Nations
Time:02:31 pm
Current Mood:proletarian
Comrades of the Proletariat,

I wish to address you all tonight of an outstanding example of the Proletarian Work Ethic. Fellow Comrades, tonight the eyes of the Working Class are all on Comrade TJ McCarthy, for his absolute and selfless dedication to the State in his sales of high-priced designer coffee. He has not merely met the production quotas as requested by the Central Politburo, but instead found the strength in himself to sell over double his quota. Comrade McCarthy truly has carried the Struggle upward and forward as a inspiring example of the possibilities of modern Socialism when led by the truly motivated of the Working Class. It is with great pride that Comrade McCarthy has earned himself the title Hero of the Model United Nations.

On a related note, the following Comrades are hereby arrested for failing to meet production quotas...
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Subject:Am I a Neoconservative? Apparently not...
Time:07:20 pm
Neocon quiz results

Based on your answers, you are most likely a realist. Read below to learn more about each foreign policy perspective.


Realist

Realists…

Are guided more by practical considerations than ideological vision
Believe US power is crucial to successful diplomacy - and vice versa
Don't want US policy options unduly limited by world opinion or ethical considerations
Believe strong alliances are important to US interests
Weigh the political costs of foreign action
Believe foreign intervention must be dictated by compelling national interest

Historical realist: President Dwight D. Eisenhower
Modern realist: Secretary of State Colin Powell

http://search.csmonitor.com/specials/neocon/quiz/neoconQuiz.html
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Subject:Haithcock & Wise
Time:06:53 pm
Wise: I need to know whatever you can tell me about a Russian gun runner named Karzhavin.

The Banker: In the later half of the 1700s, there was the son of a wealthy St. Petersburg merchant named Karzhavin. The son left St. Petersburg after a falling out with his father, and after several years in Paris, ended up in the New World. He took on a variety of professions, including gunrunning for the American colonists during the American Revolution.

Wise: That really doesn't help me.

The Banker: No, but what will is that there is a man in the current day who has taken the alias "Karzhavin" as an allusion to the 18th Century Karzhavin, and is a weapons merchant operating out of Russia.

Wise: What are his ties to Martinique Transport?

The Banker: Martinique Transport is a legitimate wing of a Russian crime syndicate to ship weapons and military materials throughout the New World.

Wise: A Russian crime syndicate? Is Sierra Force that crime syndicate?

The Banker: Sierra Force? What is Sierra Force?

Wise: Apparently, Karzhavin is part of a smuggling and mercenary organization called Sierra Force.

The Banker: ...I wouldn't know anything about that if it were true.

Wise: I see. And what are Martinique Transport's, and therefore Karzhavin's, connections to Capital Gains Financing?

The Banker: ...Capital Gains Financing? [Laughs] I don't know about any connection there, either. It'd be interesting to see how you found this out.

Wise: I'll be happy to let you know when I get some more substantive answers.

The Banker: Please do. But you will have to excuse me, Mr. Wise, I have an important meeting in twenty minutes.

[They stand, shake hands, and Mr. Wise leaves. The Banker dials the phone as soon as the door closes]

The Banker: Matt, this is your father...
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[icon] Alright...who let this guy have a LiveJournal?
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View:Archive.
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